Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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