My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
