Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
