Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
