She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
