how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
