there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
