first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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