I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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