My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
