the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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