I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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