How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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