My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You ate ashes out of my bong
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
