And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
