Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
