In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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