it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
