The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
