I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
