I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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