You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
