The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
