well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
