I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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