Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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