I wannas sexs uuuuu
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize