haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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