yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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