She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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