I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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