people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
