Can i not drive my cunt home
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
