Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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