D3 body, D1 cock
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
