I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
