Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
