i was born a porn star she said
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize