shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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