# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wish there were birth control emojis
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
