I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
