So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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