gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
