fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
This toilet bowl is my home.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
