yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
