he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
