can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
