I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
