Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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