Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
