i barfeds in our rink
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
