I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
