im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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