worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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