Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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