i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
