you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
