pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize