There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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