I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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