i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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