u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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