Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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