I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
