You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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