a queef is a wish your heart makes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
